I've blown a few things in my day
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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