we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
