One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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