I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
