Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
