Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
