I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
