She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
