Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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