hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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