I should be sponsored by Trojan
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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