So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I got her a Nickelback box set.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
