Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I deserve this hangover.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
