he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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