Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
