Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
