What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
