guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Randomize
