Porn is love you can see.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
