just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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