he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
