I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
