I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
it was like his penis was on wheels.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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