haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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