OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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