I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
