I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
