what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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