Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
