Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
