Me too!
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
