You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
