i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
