Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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