How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
