I feel like I'm in dance class right now
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
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