Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
