I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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