Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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