And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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