He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
