her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
