I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
