It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Life is so much better after having sex.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
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