No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
