We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
