We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
