The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize