We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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