What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
