just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Im part way to drunk.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
