Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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