That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
