"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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