In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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