I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
