i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Can I color on your dick again?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
