i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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