I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
