You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
