I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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