they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
