you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
