Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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