jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize